domestic violence · healing

And Then Life Flipped…

bxjc3rncmq-4I find that more and more time passes between blog posts.  On a good note, it is because a lot of things are happening that keep me busy.  In my last two posts, I talked about how frustrated I was with life, how events had triggered me and depression had reared its ugly head.  I discussed my process; the method that I used to analyze my situation and try to live in the moment with the right perspective.  To understand the “why it was happening FOR me,” opposed to “TO me.”

And in that short amount of time, I’ve been reminded what my goal is and how attainable it is if I do not self-sabotage while immersing myself in self-pity and victimhood.  

I have a lot of friends that tell me that I can manifest my destiny.  It sounds lot like when my therapist told me to use positive self-talk.  We are what we believe.  We are what we tell ourselves.  Even if that is not completely true, at the end of the day where we choose to place our thoughts and allow our hearts to go is where we will live.  And, I cannot stress enough how difficult it is to remember that and work against basic instincts.

When life throws blows in my direction, they often trigger me.  I fall back on old coping mechanisms; anger, bitterness, and sadness.  It’s too hard, sometimes, to accept that anything bad is happening.  Haven’t I endured enough?  Why can’t I just be happy? Can’t everyone and everything just leave me alone to survive and succeed?  

But it really doesn’t work that way in real life, does it?  No matter what you have been through, there is bound to be more.  Life is not just one downhill ride on a coaster.  To roll down happily and freely, you must climb to the top, inch by agonizing inch.  Momentum does not just continue indefinitely.  Add to that, that when life is carefree and joyful, we lose touch with reality.  Sometimes it is a little too easy to get stuck and be happy without exerting too much.  

But when storms roll in and we are forced to face them, that is when we grow.  That is when we are more likely to see and appreciate the sunshine and rainbows that comes after.  

I’m happy to report that although I’m still saddened deeply by our need to move, the threat of not being able to pay the bills pushed me harder to start working at just the time when a job conducive to my sanity and my continuation of Forget Me Not became available.  Shortly after, we were offered a room with friends for much less rent than we are paying now, allowing us to save some money and buy time.  Hopefully, come spring when all the snowbirds retreat, something will open up in our price range and we can move back to where we want to be.  

In the meantime, I’ve been given another chance at growing Forget Me Not and helping more people. Additional speaking opportunities have presented themselves and we might have a place of our own in the near future in which to hold workshops and classes.  

It was a rough couple of weeks, but things are looking up. Had I allowed myself to linger much longer in my comfortable place, angry at the world and depressed, I may not be able to say the same thing.  

I hope that when you find yourself in darkness, misplaced, alone, or struggling with obstacles, that you will remember to be kind to yourself.  Don’t fall back on what you know, but use the opportunity to grow as a more positive individual ready to take control of your life instead of letting the past rule you.  If I can do it, so can you.  

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