domestic violence · healing

Breathe out love

Breathe in peace. Breathe out love. A simple mantra, but one that has calmed me when anxiety sets in, when energies out of my control decent on me, and when sleep is disrupted by thoughts only my subconscious mind can begin to understand. Mostly, I have no comprehension of where these negative feelings come from, nor do I find it important to really know. But it wasn’t always like that. For a long while, I not only found it important to know where they came from, but it was my mission to understand and conquer them. What I have learned is that you cannot conquer them in the way I intended, but you can conquer them by learning to see within yourself those things that are more important and more radiant than anything that sets out to destroy you.

I have come up with a number of theories, throughout my journey, as to why my soul suddenly takes on the weight of the world and my mind decides to go along for the ride, but none of them truly matter. At the end of the day, I have the choice to either let them control me, turning my emotions on end, or I can chose to put them into perspective and funnel them toward something greater than me.

This doesn’t mean, however, that I have not put thought into these “interruptions.” I have. What I have deduced may or may not be surprising or enlightening in any fashion but I do hope that it might be useful.

Two of these reasons seem to go hand-in-hand; negative energy from others and my own insecurities or perceptions about my own life. The third reason is a simple trigger, which I’ve discussed at length in past posts (always a work in progress).

Negative energy, in this context, refers to others hurts, struggles, or control issues. Their need to find their worth through work, materialism, or actions while the energy surrounding them cries out in unhappiness. Or, on the flip side, those who are struggling daily to simply hold it together while the world appears to be caving in around them. The energy that these individuals emit is one that all but crushes my soul if I allow it. It is suffocating and is a stark reminder of sadness and hurt that I once knew all too well. It strikes me deep inside and implants the sadness they emit onto my being and I have moments where it is overwhelming, sometimes reducing me to tears as if it were my own.

If I am on point, I can recognize this energy for what it is and work through it, with meditation and self-talk. Simple reminders of where these feelings are coming from can go a long way, although sometimes it takes going through my mantra at 3 a.m. to break the spell that has been cast on me.

Breathe in peace. Three words that remind me that I am surrounded in peace and that old wounds have no place in my life. Breathe out love. Without love, we are nothing. In my world, and I believe the world as a whole, love is everything. I strive daily to transfer my love to others, although I know it may take me a lifetime to be in a place where I’m living up to my fullest potential.

Our love is what carries others through their darkest moments. Our love is what gives others hope when all hope seems lost. But even more importantly, love is what makes us whole. This is where I focus when my worth seems to drop out from under me, when my old wounds haunt me, and when the sadness of others reminds me of where I was…where I don’t wish to be ever again.

This is where I hope and pray everyone can be. The first step is inner work, allowing our love to flow onto others and being open and accepting to their love. From there, we can breathe in peace and let the worries of this world fall away.

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