It’s been a long time since I have written, and even longer since I’ve felt inspired to write. This saddens me a bit, as it was my lifeline and an integral part of my life for a long time. It also excites me, though! Feeling inspired to come back to something you once loved shows that you are alive.
Life will ebb and flow. It is constantly in a state of change. I know where I have been even if I have not been writing about it. I have been in the next phase of healing, of changing, and of growing! Life has seemingly fallen apart around me so many times that I have lost count. Sadly, I know that I am not alone. This is how life works. Falling down is part of the journey. Learning to move through those down times in a healthy way, though. That is where the real growth takes place.
A little over a year ago, I found myself sliding backwards. What I was trying to do with Forget Me Not was taking a toll. A huge toll. There in the midst of great healing, immense pain was creeping in. Anxiety was attacking out of seemingly nowhere and a huge sense of loss was weighing on me. With every story I ventured to share, every autobiography I read, and each podcast recorded, a piece of my healing slipped away. Triggers were abundant and I wanted to run away and make a drastic change. But, with that overwhelming need to escape came an immense feeling of guilt.
After all, I had set out to create change and be a voice for domestic violence victims everywhere. And the weight of failure set in. How could I be the voice for others if I was falling apart?
As I came to this realization, life spiraled a bit more. This time, however, following a forced move, a job opportunity arose. And that move took me into a world of love, children, teaching, and to a new town. A town that was much more my speed. And a sense of peace washed over me, allowing me start new and get grounded again.
Life has a way of moving us out of where we think we are meant to be and to the place we are actually meant to be. Learning to allow that change to take place is not always easy, but when we are open to new possibilities, we are given a blank page to create the story we have always dreamed of.