I recently read a piece by The Happy Sensitive that said, “A narcissist has no real coherent plan. All they do is decide what they want right now, and what it will take to get there. If they want to blame you, they’ll find a way to make that happen, even if it contradicts what they told you yesterday.”
If this isn’t the truth of it, I don’t know what is. This is the major issue with narcissists in power. The willingness to do what it takes to get what they want is the driving force behind the collateral damage they leave in their wake. Sadly, it often takes someone who has been a victim of narcissistic abuse to recognize what is happening, and it takes someone who has survived and overcome to be willing to stand up against it.
It seems to me that it is only when you make a solid decision to clear your life of these individuals, that you are willing to stand up to them. The frustrating part is that sometimes it takes time to figure it all out because, once again, you will be the one on the outside looking in. Personally, I’ve found that those around me often do not see the monster that I see. They are still making excuses for the narcissist’s behavior.
Narcissists are good at winning over those that surround them because they are full of confidence. They speak with confidence, act with confidence, and rarely – if ever – consider the consequences of their actions. They are, in a word, unstoppable. This confidence propels them through life, which leaves those of us who are unwilling to concede to their behavior often wondering how they got to this point.
I, personally, have found myself angry. Angry because they don’t deserve to be loved so much, angry that others have pulled away from me to stand with (or out of fear of) the narcissist, angry that they have power (and often the money that comes with that power). Sadly, the power they hold is often gained on the shoulders of those around them. The same people that give them their power will cower behind closed doors and cry fowl, but few will stand up to them.
Why? Because the narcissist has, and is willing to use, the power to “destroy” you. They gaslight, threaten, and leave you constantly walking on eggshells.
We often think of narcissists as being spouses or parents. Keep in mind, however, that those same spouses and parents are also bosses and hang in social groups. They can be male or female, young or old. They, sadly, are lurking everywhere. They may gain their power in the home, workplace, or both. Some are less obvious, while others are blatant in their actions.
It is my humble opinion that we must be able to spot them and decide to what extent we are willing to tolerate their behavior. I’ve, personally, chosen to cut these people out of my life. I draw a very clear line in the sand. Once I’ve realized a person is willing to use me for their gain (or do whatever is necessary to promote themselves at my expense), I shut them out and, often, fight back. Ironically, most narcissistic individuals gravitate to those they can control and easily recognize when they have lost that control. When this happens, they will up the ante. This has led to job loss, resignation, and drama in inner circles. Remember, a narcissist does not think of the consequences. If they see you as a threat, they will often remove that threat in whatever way they can.
I’ve come to realize that not everyone understands my unwillingness to align myself with a narcissist, but my life is better for it. While others continue to live in the wake of narcissistic “terror,” I am making my own way and finding peace and happiness because of it. I won’t lie that I get frustrated standing alone, but I would sooner be alone and happy than with a group and miserable.
Until more people are willing to relinquish narcissists of their power, they will continue to excel in life at the expense of others. Sadly, many do not realize what they are dealing with and unwittingly live in continuously stressful situations, fearful of stepping up. When you understand, however, you have the opportunity to live a more peaceful life…out of the control of others.